Yesterday was my first attempt at doing a live Twitch stream! I am learning the basics of getting a stream put together and there is a lot more to learn but the first step is to actually put myself out there so I feel that I accomplished a lot. I think that there are people out there who want to stream or create content on YouTube or even just put themselves out there on the internet in some way but who are unwilling to take that first step.
This initial stream is the first baby-step to me uploading YouTube videos and to me sharing myself with the world and that is a big accomplishment. It is very scary putting yourself out there. The Internet can be a very unforgiving place so it takes a lot of courage to expose yourself to that world. It is really a very vulnerable position to be in but also a rewarding one.
I am slowly breaking down my fear of exposure. I’m finding myself asking all kinds of questions that I never thought I would be asking: “How will I act?”, “Who will I be?”. It is really making me realize that I have to just be myself and do the things that I love. I should not try and be or become something or someone that I am not.
When I think back to when I was working in an office, doing IT for a regular company, especially one whose primary discipline was something other than IT, I find how much that dull work transformed me into someone who was not a happy person. There finally came a critical moment where I was going to either lose myself, the person that I know and love, or I had to remove myself from that situation.
The dull monotony that a lot of people feel they have a duty to be a part of, I left behind in re-search of myself. There are many people out there in the world who are tied to a life, bound to a way of living that keeps them from their true selves. The reasons to stay bound are endless: They need the money, they are scared to make the change, they don’t believe in themselves… The story is the same. They are deprived the ability to be their true selves and they cant make the change.
Myself, I am putting that old world behind me. I am venturing out into this world to make it my own. So one of the first things that I have to ask myself is “Who am I?” and the answer needs to be truthful. For so long I have been what the world has wanted me to be, but now I am in search for myself; my true self.