Holding yourself back

Today’s card: Eight of Swords

For the chariot card, I mentioned that the energy was all about not being afraid to move forward, well this card is all about confronting that fear. The first thing that comes to mind is a quote by the Butthole Surfers: “It is better to regret something you did, than something you didn’t do.” Basically, if you think of things the right way, it is always better to take action and move while you are learning and progressing, rather than standing in one place and retarding your growth. Movement through life is key, otherwise you are wasting your here on this earth.

In the past I have been guilty many times of not moving; I was scared to put myself out there. I always thought of it through the analogy of floating down a river:

I am going down the river in a raft and I can hear around the river bend what sounds like a waterfall. I am afraid to go any farther, and out of fear I grab onto a branch on the side of the river and hold on. The current is moving fast and it takes a lot of effort to hold on and not get swept away by the current. Other people are floating by, and some of them I yell out to, warning them of the danger of going down the river. There are some who are also scared and they join me in holding onto a branch or whatever they can get a hold of on the side of the river. I am able to hold on for a very ling time, but eventually I start to grow tired so I have to let go. After I do, the river takes me around the dreaded bend and I come to find out there was no waterfall but simply a small rapids that I easily navigate. Farther down the river I discover that the water and surrounding landscape is calm and serene. There was more to fear about just sitting there, more danger holding on then there was in just letting go.

It does not seem like it when you are holding on, but it is harder to hold on and resist the current, to stay in one place, than it is to just face the fear and go with the flow. When you get stuck in once place, whether it is voluntary or by circumstances seemingly beyond your control, it can make you feel overwhelmed and unsure about yourself and your abilities. This, in turn will affect everything that you do. It makes everything feel like a chore, a burden to escape from. This is because all of your energy is being spent just trying to hold on. Once you let go, there is no need to feel that way anymore because all of your energy becomes available to you once again. The burden of holding on and fighting the current lifts from you and you are able to act without feeling like there is something constantly holding you back.

Events start to unfold and present opportunities to you. Using the power of discernment we are able to figure out the right path down the river. You are able to do the work to navigate the river of life without the burden of holding yourself back. Once you are moving all things become possible for you. There are many ways to hold on: Drugs, drinking, dead end jobs, through supposed friends, lovers who are not right but to which you cling. There are many ways to hold on, but the catalyst for all inaction is always the same: FEAR. Put the fear away and stop holding yourself back! Quickly you will discover that the river current is your friend and not an enemy.

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Moderation

Last night my wife and I went out to eat at the local sushi place we usually frequent. We have not been there for a while and I think they where pissed off at us for not being there. The last time I went there I think I told them that we had been going to another sushi place which looking back seems like not a great idea. The food was great and Shannon and I didn’t each too much. I have been starting to get carbohydrates back into my diet and yesterday I decided to just start eating bread without worrying about it.

Yesterday, during our walk we where really hungry. We walked kinda late and had not eaten anything up to that point. On the way back we saw the scone shop that is open down the street from our house and decided to check it out. It looked good and smelled even better when we went inside. They server Temple coffee and that’s usually pretty good so I ordered a cup. We also broke down and bought a couple “hand-pies” for lunch and also a maple and bacon scone. After not having bread for a long time (months) it was nice to have a little and it tasted great.

So we had the scone for dessert after the sushi dinner and I enjoyed it very much. After not having any sweets for a very time you discover two things; how much you like sweets and how dangerous they can be. I must have ate the scone too fast because, for the first time in a long time I got heartburn.

I’m really not going to worry about the carbs any longer. I think that it is important to have them in moderation (like not having too many beers) but not to ‘force’ them out of your life. I do, however feel that because of the massive amount of advertising and the basic ‘forcing’ upon us of carb rich foods as well as the fact that carbohydrates can become addicting to many people; that I should still be very weary about eating too many and having it effect my life.

I know that if I can eat the sweets and cakes in moderation, then I will have truly mastered the urge and the desire. Just removing it from your life is not enough, it is there to test you. If you never take the test then you never have a chance to pass. The right way is to neither indulge or abstain completely but to control and moderate the intake to best suit you. That is where the real strength comes in.

Even though I know moderation is the right way, it still takes steps to reach the goal. Removing carbs and going into full keto for many months was the first test. The practice of absence helped me to recognize the amount of influence it had on my life. It is hard to realize fully just how much what you eat effects your mood and personality. With the amount of carbohydrates people take in in this country it is no wonder why there is such a prevalence of anxiety and depression. Instead of subscribing patience anti-depression medicines right off the bat, doctors should be asking their patience what they have been eating. I guarantee that in many cases a simple change of the diet would be just as effective and would cost the patient much less in the long run. Instead, the pharmacies and drug companies make so much money and enslave the people onto horrible drugs!

If we can just maintain self-control then we will never need to be controlled by others. The only way to really be free is to find the freedom in yourself. Unfortunately for some, this requires work and dedication and they are unable to accomplish this task. The ones who cannot control themselves cause the effect of the creation of systems of control that do the work for them but also reap the reward of the work. This is the mythology of the vampire. There is no real blood involved. Blood is a metaphor for energy, life, work. It is all a story of cause and effect.